Planes, politics and Football

I’m more than painfully aware that I haven’t written a new blog entry for a few weeks now. I must put my hands up and admit that there is no reasonable excuse I can think of. It’s not like things haven’t been happening in the world to write about. We’ve had the Icelandic volcano Eyeflippinhellitsashey erupting, covering the country in ash (apparently), grounding flights and raining havoc. We’ve got a new coalition government being led by our new Prime Minister Thatcherbot MKII. Plus Wayne Rooney, I mean, the England football team is preparing for the World Cup.

So, lets just put it down to writer’s brick. It’s like writer’s block, but on a slightly smaller scale. This blog is going to be a rambling unedited stream of consciousness coming from my cranium about the aforementioned events from the last few weeks. I reiterate that this is going to be a ramble. You have been warned.

Starting with the supersized lava lamp that’s been going off in Iceland and raining invisible havoc across Europe. The unpronounceable volcano has provided plenty entertainment to the usually mundane experience of watching the news. When I say entertainment, I am strictly referring to watching newsreaders fumble hopelessly attempting to avoid sounding like someone who’s dribbling over the microphone. They start trying to say the name and halfway through you begin to wonder if they are suffering from a stroke because the twitching has set in.

I found it very interesting with regards to the grounded air travel. Specialists were coming out of the woodwork declaring that the ash cloud could melt the plane away and lead to catastrophe so the planes MUST stay on the ground. Days go by and still no planes in the sky. Thinking about it, this volcanic eruption is probably the best thing that’s happened in years to slow global warming, minus the plumes of noxious gas spewing from mount Ivalucozade. But moving a week further down the line, the airlines are getting tetchy. Money is being lost on an incalculable scale. So now the ash cloud is still there, but it’s suddenly safe for air travel again?

I don’t want to say a lot about the politics that has consumed the country for the last few weeks. I can just safely say, thank Christ we aren’t in America. The level of political campaigning there would make me slightly unhinged. At least we only have to put up with six weeks of vacuous promises with the guaranteed knowledge that we will be disappointed no matter what the outcome.

David Cameron (AKA Satan) is now Prime Minister and Nick Clegg is now Deputy Dawg, I mean Deputy Prime Minister. A position clearly created in name rather than functionality. And now poor Gordon Brown finds himself in my position, unemployed. I read this little joke the other day and would like to share it with you.

“David Cameron is like a rainbow. Looks impressive from a distance, but on closer inspection he has no real substance, you can see straight through him and he is only there because of The Sun”

So that’s enough politics for anyone. Not that I’m angry or bitter that the Conservatives are in power. Not like having an Eton toff in charge, looking after the super wealthy whilst gangbanging the poor is a bad thing. Not like Nick Clegg sold out every single person who voted for him by siding with the party whose policies least reflect their own. Not that Lord Voldemort, I mean Lord Mandelson will have his revenge. I’m not bitter or angry. Honest.

Swiftly and briefly moving onto the World Cup. I have rambled enough. The first World Cup on African soil is just around the corner and I’m starting to get excited. We need team harmony and no negative news stories surrounding the team. So if John Terry could keep it in his pants, if his dad could stop trafficking petty amounts of drugs and if Ashley Cole stops texting pictures of his winky to people who aren’t his wife, we should be fine. Here’s to a truly promising World Cup. Seriously.

“Three Lions on a shirt,
Jules Rimet still gleaming,
No more need for dreaming. It’s coming home.” (Or at least that’t the idea)

2 responses to “Planes, politics and Football

  1. would also help if the head of the FA could be a little bit more discreet with his accusations

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